i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
