Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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