the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
