My sheets look like a crime scene.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
