Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
