I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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