I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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