Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
