i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
