do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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