I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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