I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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