so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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