This is not my ceiling
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
