Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
