We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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