i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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