Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
