hell yes lets make some ravioli
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
