After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
