he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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