Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
