I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
