know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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