Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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