That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
