I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
