I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
