I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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