Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
