Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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