sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
