So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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