i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
