oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
