Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
