tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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