a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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