All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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