No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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