can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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