You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
