My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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