Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
