a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
