I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
