Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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