You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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