Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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