you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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